A self-described Certified Hideologist™, from as far back as I can remember, I’ve been hiding. As a young child in an alcoholic home, I began my life as a rescuer, a fixer, and a people pleaser. I eventually became so disillusioned with life that I flipped sides, becoming a misfit, a rebel, a liar, and eventually an alcoholic myself. Every one of these methods was a way I slipped deeper into hiding.

I believe we all hide to feel safe and accepted, and it starts when we’re young. We want to fit in. We don’t want to be rejected. We definitely do not want to experience pain. So we hide.

After childhood, I joined the U.S. Navy, where I served for over two decades as a closeted gay sailor. This was pre- and during Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and my career was constantly under threat as being gay in the Navy back then was considered a crime. Just like my fellow gay veterans, I learned to adapt and hide to stay safe and survive.

When I retired, I thought I would be free. Out. Living my life. But I quickly discovered that, after years of hiding and looking over my shoulder, my identity was tied to my uniform and I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was lost. I had been conditioned to expect retribution for being myself and, although my family and close friends loved me and embraced my sexual orientation, I felt that danger was around every corner. I was habitually in conditioned fight or flight.

The day came when I had to stop, look at all of my hiding, be honest and face my fear. That deep dive inward led to writing my memoir and seeing how I got to the place I found myself in. Although not easy, that work has liberated me. I also trust it’s my life’s work to help others do the same.

So, welcome to Hideology™. Coming out from hiding and being true to yourself, IS the way out of pain, whether it’s for addiction or sexual orientation or body image or perfectionism or people pleasing. I hope you begin to see your hiding places and eventually find your own liberation from a life in the closet. I promise, it is worth it. Everything you seek is already within you. It’s simply hidden. Until it isn’t.