Connecting to your Heartbeat.

I don’t gamble, but if I was a betting woman, I’d feel pretty confident betting that you seek a world that is more peaceful, unified, loving, kind and compassionate. I do too…I’m on a quest, per se, and one of the ways that I’m finding a more peaceful world is by becoming more peace-full.

In psychology this is called projection; when I project peace, unification, love, kindness and compassion, I find those things reflected back at me. Since sharing my experiences to connect with you is at the top of my priorities, and this blog is intended to do just that…share with you so that we can co-create the world that we seek.

Are you one of those people who believes you can’t meditate?

Me too…until recently. I have heard so many people say that one of the best ways to peace and happiness is found through meditation, which I have attempted on and off for years, yet have never really  felt like I “got it.”

I’ve tried various forms of meditation, to include: focusing on my breath, walking meditation, guided meditation (using audio CDs and mobile applications), body scanning, and the list goes on and on. My struggle is my very controlling mind (or ego) that wants to keep me disconnected from my heart, in my thoughts and disassociated from being present.

I’ve recently engaged the art of self-compassion about how I meditate (I just heard you go, “duhhhh.” You know what they say, “the teacher appears when the student is ready”). With meditation, I believe I always tried to do what I always do, which is go down the slippery slope of perfectionism and be the best meditator ever (“if I can’t do it perfectly, I’m not going to do it at all”).

That said, when I started down this “quit hiding, get real and show up” road, one of the things that my heart was calling me to do was to connect, get quiet and listen.

So I started meditating…one five-minute (now 15-minute) period at a time. In my first meditation, I heard my heartbeat and I intuitively knew that was where I needed to connect, so that’s what I now do… I listen for, connect with and breathe into my heart’s “thump, thump, thump.”

On occasion, I’ve have the incredible experience of momentarily “falling in” or “letting go” in meditation (which has happened in small bits as they were too beautiful…too perfect…and quite honestly, scared the crap out of me and sent me back to my mind).

As a result of these moments, I’m now meditation hooked. I sometimes feel a tear or two slowly falling down my cheek when the awesome of all that is has encompassed me. It’s a momentary loss of my mind, who wants to tell me that it didn’t happen, that I’m making it up, and that I shouldn’t share it because you will think “I’ve lost my mind.” And here’s the best part…for small moments I have lost my mind, which tells me that I’m being controlled less by my mind and am finding a deeper connection with my heart.

Here’s what meditation has taught me so far:

I am not my body, my relationships, my job, my accomplishments or my material possessions. I am love (you are love)…at my core (at your core)…meditation has shown me that. I get quiet and I listen to my heartbeat…one “thump” at a time. And then my head starts to think about what I’m going to do that day, what I’m going to eat, where Paco (my dog) is, when I’m going to workout with my girlfriend, that email that hasn’t been responded to, and more…and I thank my head, apologize to my heart for disconnecting and reconnect to that soft “thump.”

So I attempt to go into meditation now with an open heart and just be present with whatever happens.

I feel the beat of my heart and ask my mind to serve the agenda of my heart and my heart to respect the intelligence and necessity of my mind. I’m hopeful that this practice will allow me to keep opening, and show me those small glimpses of perfection that is everywhere as often as I’m open to receiving it.

And sometimes in small glimpses, my heart shows me the magnificence of all that really is, this connection to my soul, my heart and my creator…and I am overwhelmed, because there are no words, and because it’s very seldom that I can’t find words 🙂

Lastly, in a world afflicted with disconnection, addiction, broken hearts, disillusion, and wandering souls, what if you knew that meditating would largely contribute as a remedy toward a cure? Would it then be worth 5, 10 or 30 minutes of your time?

If yes, join me and the billions of other humans who got here sooner than I did…I’m definitely a work in progress with this meditation stuff. However, if the level of peace that I’m feeling after this short time is any indication of what is possible, I’m going to keep “falling in.”