It was June 2016 when I wrote, Wherever You Are, Be There. I had traveled from Southern California to my hometown in Northern Arizona to care for my hospitalized father while my mother was on travel. I sat at their dining room table and had one of those not-always-the-case writing moments as the words came through me and flowed off my fingertips. That can only happen when I’m 100% present. At other times, I find myself editing and thinking and cutting and pasting and rolling the words around—kind of like kneading dough. Although still very much a creative process that I feel is necessary for me to uncover what needs to be expressed from my inner truth, these writing experiences feel more like a sparring match between my head and my heart than they do a gentle exhale.
I think about things. I also “feel” about things, but deep down I’m a curious thinker. I’m a puzzle solver, especially with the human condition. I love to unravel why we do what we do—especially the oh-so-many reasons and ways that we hide—because shining a light on our dark areas is the way out of hiding and into our truth.
Not being present is classic hiding. I say that as I chuckle—classic hiding—as if there’s old school hiding and new school hiding. Sometimes I wonder…
We have so many reasons to not be present. World events. The news and its need for sensationalized ratings. Situations in our past that we wish we would have done differently. Worry about what might happen in our future. We’re constantly being told what we should be worried about, what should be our top priority, who is our enemy, who is responsible for our pain. If we could only get everyone else in line so that we wouldn’t have any regrets or worries, well then..life would be amazing and we could be present.
If you believed that last sentence, 1) you’re not familiar with me and my writing, and 2) “hold on to your britches,” my grandma said through me to you. We need excuses to disconnect from our present moment. We have been conditioned through many years or learning to hide that staying present is difficult. It can even seem impossible to those of us who have mastered the skill of escaping. In the present moment, and only in the present moment, can we feel our pain and our joy. We feel what is coming up right here and now. And we don’t know what to do with feelings, because they’re real and they’re raw. Pain and joy are both very hard to stay present with. It’s much easier to jump into the past or the future and disconnect from the messages coming in right now. It’s much easier to point the finger at someone else for the reasons why we are so anxious and sad and worried and stressed.
But if you sit or lie down and get quiet and take a few deep breaths, what happens? Do you give two shits about the news? If you do, go in the other room and turn off the TV. Then come back in, relax your shoulders and place your attention on the air coming in and out of your nostrils. Inhale and exhale again. Did your mind wander? Yes? It’s okay. Promise. Do it again. Maybe even place one hand on your belly and the other on your heart. Inhale and exhale again. Are you safe? Can you feel the simple peace in your not-so-simple-but-incredible aliveness? Can you feel the beauty in one typically-taken-for-granted breath? Do you care about what happened yesterday or are you worried about tomorrow? If you are, come back to your breath and smile. Be amused at the ability of your mind to deflect. It’s had years and decades of experience. Its job is to think and you’re asking it to chill out for just a few breaths. It will, but just like conditioning yourself to focus on your breath, you’re also conditioning your mind to let go.
It’s so simple, and yet it’s not so simple. But the truth is that right here, right now, is all there is. You’re alive. You’re in this one small timespan of living life on Earth. Are there challenges? Of course. Challenges make you who you are. You have never had a challenge that you couldn’t handle. The proof is that you’re right here and have already survived your past. And the future is super-duper unknown. If you’re being told that it will be horrible, take another deep breath and smile. Because, you don’t know that to be the truth. In this one moment, you’re doing this thing—and you’re current doing might be very painful. Yet look at you, you courageous badass. Look at you walking through it, one step at a time.
If you are anywhere but here, please be kind to yourself as you are living the human condition. Take a deep breath and ask, “What am I hiding from and why?” You have the answers to your puzzle, but sometimes—many times—they are hidden. They’ll release, one at a time, as you feel safe to come out and release them. This is a process and if you are struggling to unravel your puzzle and need help uncovering the how and the why, consider doing some inner work with a coach or a counselor.
I’m grateful for many things: Definitely for this moment, and this breath, and my health, and my pup, all of the love I receive and am able to give in this lifetime. My basic needs are met, and that is a privilege that I don’t take for granted. I’m also super grateful you read these words today, and that I had a writing experience that flowed through and didn’t need “kneading.”
Gentle exhale.
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