The Importance of Self-Talk

You’re in luck…this week’s blog is going to be short.  That’s enough celebrating…I didn’t know you’d be this happy.  I must suck at this blogging stuff or you wouldn’t be happy that my blog is short.  If I was good at this, you would want to hear more from me.  Wow, I’m a loser and an idiot.  I don’t know why I haven’t just given up by now…

How do those words resonate with you?  Did it make you feel just a little uncomfortable to read me providing myself such negative counsel?  Or does talk such as that, sound all too familiar?  Is that the way that you speak to yourself when you’re in struggle or insecure?  Are you gentle, kind and compassionate with your insecurities?  Or are you tough on yourself?  You absolutely “expect” more out of yourself.  And when you don’t meet those expectations, you’re the first one to beat yourself down?

How compassionately you speak to yourself is key toward having a happier life.

When you’re in negative self-talk, you receive your words and they hurt. And unfortunately, you might not even be aware that you’re beating yourself down as you’ve always been tough on yourself…your self-talk might feel completely normal as you’ve never learned another way.

But here’s my question to you:

If you heard someone speaking to a young child the way that you speak to yourself, would it be okay?

If your seven-year-old daughter had a falling out with her best friend at school, would you say to her, “Well, there you go…I knew you’d start losing friends at school. I called it years ago…you’re such a loser.”  If you said, “Yes, that’s how I would talk to my daughter,” then we need to have our next conversation about compassionate parenting.  But you didn’t, right?

There is also a little kid inside of you, an inner child, who’s looking to you for validation and affirmation.

That inner child is stumbling yet wants to be courageous and needs your support.  There’s going to be stumbles along the way…they are a part of life and actually become the building blocks to where you want to go.  So, what do you do now?

Choice #1:  Knock yourself down.  Call yourself names and create such negativity that you’ll want to give up.  You’ll say something like, “Oh sure, you always give up when the going gets tough. This is no different.  You’re a joke.”

Choice #2:  Pick yourself up.  To say, “Wow, that was a bummer, but I’m super proud of you (me) for stepping in and taking a risk.  It wasn’t easy, and I know you were scared…that took a lot of courage to walk through…nice job!”

Remember, you hear you.

When you hear your imaginative thoughts, they can either support and validate you or they can constrict and stop you.  Try to be kind to yourself.  Treat yourself the same way that you would a young child.  After all, there’s a young child inside of you that needs your support.