Note from Karen: I had the honor of sitting down with Kristin Kaye, published author and my book coach, to talk about writing—when the writing becomes facing trauma, when the writing is tough. For over a year, Kristin held my hand as I dove into—read: became consumed with—writing my pre-published memoir. Her thoughts on writing, When Writing is the Remedy, follow below.
The curious thing about writing personal narrative, be it an essay or a book, is that we often set out to write something that we haven’t been able to fully articulate yet. The process itself is what unlocks the meaning and leads us to our insight.
But in pursuing this knowing that lives just beyond our fingertips, we often first run into what has kept the words only partially formed.
It could be that we need to complete additional research to better understand a topic. Or it could be that we need to improve a writing skill, such as nailing the idiosyncrasies of dialogue, to better bring an experience to life.
In many instances, however, we first encounter what has made the words difficult to say—a fear of being seen, an unhealed trauma that still lives large in our heart, a seeming lack of courage to own the truth that we’ve known all along, the unsettling feeling of writing against the tide of popular opinion, the questions, ‘Who am I to do this?’ and ‘Am I worthy?’
This can be the real work of writing.
The invitation is to leave the shore of insecurity to follow our instinct to a truth that needs to be known and then written. To say the words that are ours to say means that we have to own the right to say them, trust that our inner voice will serve as our guide and live our way to the wisdom that arrives at the end of the story.
This is when writing through becomes our remedy. This is when our lives become mythic. This is when we become our own heroes and heroines.
Yet every heroine needs to attend to her own healing at times, and it can really help to have a few tools at hand when you hit an emotional rough patch.
“The Universe came calling and I had to say, ‘Yes.’”
Karen Solt wrote her memoir, Why We Hide, in Story Alchemy’s book writing course, Crucible (formerly Literary Alchemy). But to write that book, Karen would have to face a deeply traumatic event that caused her to hide in the first place.
Covid created time to write and after decades of silence, Karen finally committed to writing the truth.
Karen served in the Navy for 22-years. And within her first year of service she discovered that she was gay. She served before and during the Clinton Administration’s policy, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell—the days when it was illegal to be gay in the military.
The Navy Criminal Investigation Service (NCIS) regularly conducted “witch hunts” to root out gay service members. To keep her job and avoid being convicted as a criminal, Karen had to constantly hide the truth of who she was.
While she ultimately came to love serving in the Navy and would rise to the rank of Senior Chief, Karen and those she knew and loved suffered devastating consequences for the hiding that became a requirement.
I recently sat down with Karen to discuss her writing process and what helped her to finally deliver the truth of her story to the page. We discussed tools for working with painful experiences and more.
5 Tools to Help Heal Trauma & Change Your Story
- Find a therapist: While this might seem obvious, finding professional help might not be your first thought when you begin to write. But if your work begins to veer into challenging territory, additional support may be just the thing that allows you to process difficult experiences and deliver the story to the page. Somatic Experiencing and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Releasing) are two techniques that are especially helpful in working with trauma.
- Join a Writing Community Where You Feel Safe: Something shifted when Karen read her pages to the Story Alchemy community—she felt seen and heard. This helped to ease the pain of carrying her story alone, build confidence in owning the truth of what happened and broaden her perspective, which ultimately helped her to move through the events of her past.
- Read to Yourself in Front of a Mirror: Writing the experience down is the first step to diffusing its power. Reading the work aloud is an important second step. An audience of one—yourself—can be a great place to start. Ultimately, you are the one who needs to become comfortable, heal and find peace with what has happened. Take baby steps in the comfort of your home by reading in front of a mirror and witnessing yourself directly.
- Pace Yourself: Writing might offer access to a powerful story, but we get to choose how to work with difficult material. Karen found that once she decided to write about what happened, she couldn’t stop. It was deeply cathartic and she wrote until she was done. But it can be equally beneficial to write small bits at a time. Choose the pace that feels best for you. There is no right way to do this.
- Write to Discover a Wider Perspective: The pain of traumatic experiences often fix our perception of a given event. But writing can open that up. Empower yourself to try on different perspectives through writing. Create a list of all the possible scenes or topics related to your subject or the event itself. On any given day, choose what to write about—will you choose to write what’s hard? Or will you pace yourself and write something beautiful or fun or informational instead? Giving yourself this option allows you to keep the project moving along without being obligated to face hard things when you’re not feeling up for it.
Karen’s book, Why We Hide, will be published in spring, 2024. Karen is also our Guest Alchemist in The Alchemists Writing Community this fall. Pulling from her own experience and her masters in psychology (counseling), Karen is available to offer members her insights into the writing process and how to work with trauma. You can find Karen at Hideology, on Facebook: @solt.karen and Instagram: @karen_solt.
Final thoughts from Karen: If you’re interested in writing personal narrative or a memoir, I strongly recommend that you check out Kristin and her work. She is an amazing writing coach, who has various programs in her Writing Community that will help you get your words down on the page. I value and appreciate Kristin’s presence and incredible intuition and her guidance as I wrote my memoir was invaluable. She’s pure gold in human form. You can find her at Kristin Kaye or in Instagram: @heykristinkaye.