Addiction is one of the most common and most dangerous forms of hiding. Regardless of the method, it steals your current moment and places you in an altered state. I’ve written and have also spoken on this topic extensively—such as Addiction, From Friend to Foe —and will probably touch on it in future blogs, as it is killing many of us and we either don’t know it or we don’t know how to stop it.
In last week’s blog I wrote, “Where would we be without these ways that temporarily save us?” Addiction temporarily saved me…probably on many occasions. But in 1992, I was gifted with the very painful present of hitting rock bottom on my alcoholism. Fortunately, I was in the Navy which had a zero tolerance on drug use or I’m fairly convinced drug addiction would have also been a part of my story. But there I was in my mid-20s, unable to stop drinking and knowing that I had to stop drinking, which I’d been doing since I was a child. For many years, alcohol provided me just what I needed; to be brave, to not care, to fit in, to be anyone other than myself. It carried me for a very long time before taking me to a depth that I’d never want to repeat.
I’ve been clean for nearly 29 years, at least from alcohol and drugs, which is a beautiful miracle that I don’t take for granted. But I’m an addict at heart and have still gotten caught up in addictive patterns. Exercise, shopping, food, work, people pleasing. Oh, and my iPhone. Oh, and Candy Crush Saga…that shit, talk about an abyss (also clean from computer games, which was not easy).
Just look around. Addiction is everywhere. Of course, it’s in the addict and alcoholic. But it’s also in the person who constantly checks their phone. It’s in the person who monitors every calorie consumed and calorie expended in exercise to stay hidden underneath an image that represents “perfection.” It’s in social media scrolling, computer games, endless hours in front of a TV, or a late-night Amazon purchase when boredom or sorrow or irritability sets in. The dopamine hit received from a “like” on social media is still a dopamine hit. And the lack of a “like” can create anxiety, depression and self-worth issues for those who are posting to gain approval.
Let’s break down a minute of social media addiction, which is only doing what it’s designed to do (I highly recommend The Social Dilemma on Netflix). 1) I’m sitting on my couch. I feel lonely and insecure. 2) Anxiety rises in my chest. 3) I hate that anxious feeling and need something to take the “edge” off. 4) I post a selfie on Instagram. 5) Someone “likes” my post and puts heart emojis and a “You’re cuter than a cuddly wombat!” comment. 6) Dopamine hit received and I’m happy for the next few moments because someone “saw” me. 7) A while later, I’m feeling lonely and insecure. Repeat pattern.
The selfie isn’t the problem. The problem is that I deflected from emotions, albeit not easy-to-sit-with emotions, by looking for something external to soothe my loneliness and insecurity. And because someone commented using one of my favorite animals, I hid from and escaped those emotions for a moment. A temporary high; just like getting drunk, just like a shopping spree, just like a computer game.
If you want to stop an addictive pattern, the key is to get through that moment of anxiety, the one that tells you that you have to take a drink or smoke a cigarette or vape or scroll through your Instagram account. The one that wants you to hide from your feelings. From yourself. You have to sit in your discomfort and allow it to be there, to listen to what it wants and needs from you, without fixing it with something external. You pretty much have to love yourself through that moment, instead of looking for something else to attempt to do that for you.
Addiction is Hiding 101 and stopping any addiction isn’t easy…but it’s a helluva lot easier than continuing down that abyss into numbing yourself. And you have to start somewhere. Start by identifying where you might be addicted. And if you say, “nowhere,” I’ll invite you to leave your phone off and out of your pocket for 48 hours. If you can do that without any anxiety, then you probably didn’t need to read this blog in the first place 😉.
Be seen. xo, Karen
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